hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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