kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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