Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
