You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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