I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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