I cannot find my penis.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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