i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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