Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize