I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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