Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Randomize
