id be glad to
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
