Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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