Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i love accidental penises.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
