Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize