There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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