Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
