So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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