Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
