She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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