I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
