Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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