i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
