took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
