at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize