can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
