first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
