My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize