Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
