I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
