I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
