i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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