when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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