Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
