My sheets look like a crime scene.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
