I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
two words...techno handjob
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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