Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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