Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
