Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Randomize
