what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
