Your dad touched me again.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
