I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
a search helicopter?!
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
It's not a walk of shame if you run
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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