Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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