She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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