I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
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