she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
