kristin has been a bad kristin
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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