I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
