Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
