And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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