The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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