i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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