We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Less talking, more tequila
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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