I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Drunk is not a location!
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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