all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
He kissed a someone with a penis
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
