D3 body, D1 cock
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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