Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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