I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
