just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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