Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
