So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
