Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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