My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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