My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
